Calc joke
Feb 1, 2010Sec c Joke
Jan 28, 2010
Addition Jokes
Jan 27, 2010
A few math jokes
Jan 17, 2010
Joke 1:
Four friends have been doing really well in their calculus class: they have been getting top grades for their homework and on the midterm. So, when it's time for the final, they decide not to study on the weekend before, but to drive to another friend's birthday party in another city - even though the exam is scheduled for Monday morning. As it happens, they drink too much at the party, and on Monday morning, they are all hung over and oversleep. When they finally arrive on campus, the exam is already over. They go to the professor's office and offer him an explanation: "We went to our friend's birthday party, and when we were driving back home very early on Monday morning, we suddenly had a flat tire. We had no spare one, and since we were driving on backroads, it took hours until we got help." The professor nods sympathetically and says: "I see that it was not your fault. I will allow you to make up for the missed exam tomorrow morning."
When they arrive early on Tuesday morning, the students are put by the professor in a large lecture hall and are seated so far apart from each other that, even if they tried, they had no chance to cheat. The exam booklets are already in place, and confidently, the students start writing. The first question - five points out of one hundred - is a simple exercise in integration, and all four finish it within ten minutes. When the first of them has completed the problem, he turns over the page of the exam booklet and reads on the next one:
Problem 2 (95 points out of 100): Which tire went flat?
Click to read the rest of this entry...Four friends have been doing really well in their calculus class: they have been getting top grades for their homework and on the midterm. So, when it's time for the final, they decide not to study on the weekend before, but to drive to another friend's birthday party in another city - even though the exam is scheduled for Monday morning. As it happens, they drink too much at the party, and on Monday morning, they are all hung over and oversleep. When they finally arrive on campus, the exam is already over. They go to the professor's office and offer him an explanation: "We went to our friend's birthday party, and when we were driving back home very early on Monday morning, we suddenly had a flat tire. We had no spare one, and since we were driving on backroads, it took hours until we got help." The professor nods sympathetically and says: "I see that it was not your fault. I will allow you to make up for the missed exam tomorrow morning."
When they arrive early on Tuesday morning, the students are put by the professor in a large lecture hall and are seated so far apart from each other that, even if they tried, they had no chance to cheat. The exam booklets are already in place, and confidently, the students start writing. The first question - five points out of one hundred - is a simple exercise in integration, and all four finish it within ten minutes. When the first of them has completed the problem, he turns over the page of the exam booklet and reads on the next one:
Problem 2 (95 points out of 100): Which tire went flat?
Best of MLIA
Jan 16, 2010
My Life Is Average (MLIA) is a site where you can submit average things that happened to you. Here are some of my favorites:
Today, I got the results of a math test. One of the answers was (2, infinity), and on the side I wrote "and beyond!" I got extra credit. MLIA
Today, we were taking a math test when someone's cell phone rang. It was dead silent as we heard, "my milkshake brings all the boys to the yard..." Everyone looked around to see whose phone it was. It was my teacher's. My teacher is a man. MLIA
Today, we got our math tests back after being graded. One of my answers I knew was wrong, so I had drawn a stick figure next to it with the caption "this is a ninja in disguise. He is here to guard my answer from the Red Pen.". Next to my answer my teacher wrote "you need a new ninja." He had graded my test in blue. MLIA.
"Today, on MSN, I mistyped something to my boyfriend: I said, 'You're such an angle,' but I meant 'angel'. Without missing a beat, he replied 'Aww, you're so acute. MLIA."
Today, in my calculus class, I sat like normal listening to the lecture and taking notes. Out of nowhere, I get passed a note from the guy next to me. The paper was covered with drawings ranging from flowers to aliens and at the top it said, "Everyone draw something." The note went around the room multiple times. Glad to know I'm not the only one bored in calculus. MLIA.
Click to read the rest of this entry...Today, I got the results of a math test. One of the answers was (2, infinity), and on the side I wrote "and beyond!" I got extra credit. MLIA
Today, we were taking a math test when someone's cell phone rang. It was dead silent as we heard, "my milkshake brings all the boys to the yard..." Everyone looked around to see whose phone it was. It was my teacher's. My teacher is a man. MLIA
Today, we got our math tests back after being graded. One of my answers I knew was wrong, so I had drawn a stick figure next to it with the caption "this is a ninja in disguise. He is here to guard my answer from the Red Pen.". Next to my answer my teacher wrote "you need a new ninja." He had graded my test in blue. MLIA.
"Today, on MSN, I mistyped something to my boyfriend: I said, 'You're such an angle,' but I meant 'angel'. Without missing a beat, he replied 'Aww, you're so acute. MLIA."
Today, in my calculus class, I sat like normal listening to the lecture and taking notes. Out of nowhere, I get passed a note from the guy next to me. The paper was covered with drawings ranging from flowers to aliens and at the top it said, "Everyone draw something." The note went around the room multiple times. Glad to know I'm not the only one bored in calculus. MLIA.
I like my women like I like my math...
Jan 8, 2010
I like my women like I like my math -- easy and at a high school level.
I like my women like I like my math -- pure and beautiful -- NOT complex and irrational.
I like my women like I like my math tests -- full of problems and easy to cheat on.
I like my women like I like my math tests -- easy and multiple choice.
I like my women like I like my math problems -- simple and easy.
Click to read the rest of this entry...I like my women like I like my math -- pure and beautiful -- NOT complex and irrational.
I like my women like I like my math tests -- full of problems and easy to cheat on.
I like my women like I like my math tests -- easy and multiple choice.
I like my women like I like my math problems -- simple and easy.
Lord of the Rings Math
Jan 5, 2010
This is too good not to post! Someone made it and posted it on facebook and I saved it to my computer. I can't seem to find the link to where it was posted though :-(.. and I can't find any websites that have the image :-(
Pizza Math
Jan 5, 2010
A well known math joke is the following:
Question: If you have a cylinder with a raduis "z" and a height of "a", then what is the volume?
Answer: pizza
Well, someone finally put it into picture format:
I'm pretty sure that Jay Fallon created the image above, but I ended up seeing it on two other websites first.
Click to read the rest of this entry...Question: If you have a cylinder with a raduis "z" and a height of "a", then what is the volume?
Answer: pizza
Well, someone finally put it into picture format:
I'm pretty sure that Jay Fallon created the image above, but I ended up seeing it on two other websites first.
Christmas Math Jokes
Dec 17, 2009
Q: Why do mathematicians often confuse Christmas and Halloween?
A: Because Oct 31 = Dec 25.
Q: What's purple, round, and doesn't get much for Christmas?
A finitely presented grape.
In a previous post I had a Calculus Christmas Carol, this is the first verse (sung to the tune of "Oh, Christmas Tree"):
Surely someone out there knows some funny Christmas Math Jokes!!Oh, Calculus; Oh, Calculus,
How tough are both your branches.
Oh, Calculus; Oh, Calculus,
To pass what are my chances?
Derivatives I cannot take,
At integrals my fingers shake.
Oh, Calculus; Oh, Calculus,
How tough are both your branches.
Silly math
Dec 14, 2009
Two silly clips where the math doesn't add up.
The first one claims 13 x 7 = 28.
The second one claims 14 x 5 = 25.
Click to read the rest of this entry...The first one claims 13 x 7 = 28.
The second one claims 14 x 5 = 25.
Happy face math - CHEAT SHEET
Nov 15, 2009
You might have seen this before, it seems to have made its way around the internet. It's called Charlie Smith's Happy Face Math:
Click to read the rest of this entry...Cheat Sheet:
First Column:- 1st one is the inverse (ie, upside down)
- 2nd one is being squared (hence the square)
- 3rd one is being cubed (hence the cube)
- 4th one is supremum, but you read it as "soup", hence the soup :D
- 5th one is the partial differential operator, hence the "part of a face"
- 6th one is sine function, read as "sine", which rhymes with "sign", hence the sign
- 1st one is the "real part" of a number/function, hence, there is no imaginary part. For example, Re( a + bi ) = a. Thus, you remove the i's.
- 2nd one is imaginary part. Im( a + bi ) = b. In this case, you only keep the i's.
- 3rd one is the curl, hence the curly hair. :D
- 4th one is the gradient function, read as "grad", hence the smiley face looking like he just graduated from school. :D
- 5th one is the log function, hence the smiley face on a "log" (tree thingy)
A couple of math jokes
Oct 22, 2009
Practically every joke has a bar:
Another one which may make sense to some mathematicians:
- Several scientists were all asked the following question: "What is pi ?"
- The engineer said: "It is approximately 3 and 1/7"
- The physicist said: "It is 3.14159"
- The mathematician thought a bit, and replied "It is equal to pi".
Click to read the rest of this entry...- The number twelve goes into a bar.. and he asks the server for a pint of beer.
- "Sorry, I can't serve you," says the server.
- "Why the heck not?!" asks the number twelve!
- "You're under 18," replies the server.
Another one which may make sense to some mathematicians:
- Several scientists were all asked the following question: "What is pi ?"
- The engineer said: "It is approximately 3 and 1/7"
- The physicist said: "It is 3.14159"
- The mathematician thought a bit, and replied "It is equal to pi".
Look around you maths
Oct 8, 2009
This British comedy show is hilarious. It's called "Look Around You" and the second epsidoe is about "Maths". Check it out on youtube (at least for now):
Click to read the rest of this entry...
Crazy math joke - lesson for all you undergrads
Sep 15, 2009
Let this be a lesson to all the undergrads who think they should get part marks for having a correct answer:
In a mental hospital, three patients are up for release. The Doctor decides to give them a test.
He turns to the first guy and asks, "What is three times three?"
Click to read the rest of this entry...In a mental hospital, three patients are up for release. The Doctor decides to give them a test.
He turns to the first guy and asks, "What is three times three?"
Top 7 excuses for not doing your math homework!
Sep 8, 2009- I had a constant amount of homework. I tried to derive its purpose, but I got nothing.
- I could only get arbitrarily close to my textbook, but I could never reach it.
- I am sure that I put it inside my Klein Bottle last night, but this morning I could not find it.
- I locked it in my trunk, but a four-dimensional dog got in and ate it.
- I wanted to, but I couldn't find its Godel Number.
- I did some of it - the part I have left to do, is 0.9999...
CLEARLY:
I don't want to write down all the "in- between" steps.
TRIVIAL:
If I have to show you how to do this, you're in the wrong class.
OBVIOUSLY:
I hope you weren't sleeping when we discussed this earlier, because I refuse to repeat it.
RECALL:
I shouldn't have to tell you this, but for those of you who erase your memory tapes after every test...
Click to read the rest of this entry...I don't want to write down all the "in- between" steps.
TRIVIAL:
If I have to show you how to do this, you're in the wrong class.
OBVIOUSLY:
I hope you weren't sleeping when we discussed this earlier, because I refuse to repeat it.
RECALL:
I shouldn't have to tell you this, but for those of you who erase your memory tapes after every test...
Once upon a time, (1/T) pretty little Polly Nomial was strolling through
a field of vectors when she came to the edge of a singularly large matrix. Now Polly was convergent and her mother had made it an absolute condition
that she never enter such an array without her brackets on. Polly,
however, who had changed her variables that morning and was feeling
particularly badly behaved, ignored this condition on the grounds that it
was insufficient and made her way in amongst the complex elements.
Click to read the rest of this entry...Jokes: Top 10 excuses for not doing your homework!
Aug 19, 2009
10. It's Fermat's birthday
9. I didn't know whether "i" is the square root of -1 or "i" are the square root of -1.
8. I accidentally divided by 0 and my paper burst into flames.
7. I had too much pi and got sick.
6. I could only get arbitrarily close to my textbook.
5. It's stuck inside a Klein bottle.
4. Someone already published it, so I didn't bother to write it.
3. My 4-dimensional dog ate it.
2. I have a solar calculator and it was cloudy yesterday.
1. There wasn't enough room to write it in the margin.
Click to read the rest of this entry...9. I didn't know whether "i" is the square root of -1 or "i" are the square root of -1.
8. I accidentally divided by 0 and my paper burst into flames.
7. I had too much pi and got sick.
6. I could only get arbitrarily close to my textbook.
5. It's stuck inside a Klein bottle.
4. Someone already published it, so I didn't bother to write it.
3. My 4-dimensional dog ate it.
2. I have a solar calculator and it was cloudy yesterday.
1. There wasn't enough room to write it in the margin.
How to prove it
Aug 19, 2009
Proof by vigorous handwaving:
Works well in a classroom or seminar setting.
Proof by forward reference:
Reference is usually to a forthcoming paper of the author, which is often not as forthcoming as at first.
Proof by funding:
How could three different government agencies be wrong?
Proof by example:
The author gives only the case n = 2 and suggests that it contains most of the ideas of the general proof.
Click to read the rest of this entry...Works well in a classroom or seminar setting.
Proof by forward reference:
Reference is usually to a forthcoming paper of the author, which is often not as forthcoming as at first.
Proof by funding:
How could three different government agencies be wrong?
Proof by example:
The author gives only the case n = 2 and suggests that it contains most of the ideas of the general proof.
Math Songs - A Calculus Carol
Aug 7, 2009Written by: Denis Gannon
(to the tune of "Oh, Christmas Tree")
Oh, Calculus; Oh, Calculus,
How tough are both your branches.
Oh, Calculus; Oh, Calculus,
To pass what are my chances?
Derivatives I cannot take,
At integrals my fingers shake.
Oh, Calculus; Oh, Calculus,
How tough are both your branches.
Hilarious Math Jokes
Aug 2, 2009
Q: What's nutritious and commutes?
An Abelian soup.
Q: What's hot, chunky and acts on a polygon?
Dihedral soup.
Q: What's sour, yellow, and equivalent to the axiom of choice?
Zorn's lemon.
Q: What is brown, furry, runs to the sea, and is equivalent to the axiom of choice?
Zorn's lemming.
Click to read the rest of this entry...An Abelian soup.
Q: What's hot, chunky and acts on a polygon?
Dihedral soup.
Q: What's sour, yellow, and equivalent to the axiom of choice?
Zorn's lemon.
Q: What is brown, furry, runs to the sea, and is equivalent to the axiom of choice?
Zorn's lemming.
Top ln(e^10) reasons why e is better than pi
Jul 30, 2009
10) e is easier to spell than pi.
9) Pie without e just doesn't taste that good.
8) The character for e can be found on a keyboard, but pi sure can't.
7) Everybody fights for their piece of the pie.
6) ln(pi) is a really nasty number, but ln(e) = 1.
5) e is used in calculus while pi is used in baby geometry.
4) 'e' is the most commonly picked vowel in Wheel of Fortune.
3) e stands for Euler's Number, pi doesn't stand for squat.
2) You don't need to know Greek to be able to use e.
1) You can't confuse e with a food product.
Click to read the rest of this entry...9) Pie without e just doesn't taste that good.
8) The character for e can be found on a keyboard, but pi sure can't.
7) Everybody fights for their piece of the pie.
6) ln(pi) is a really nasty number, but ln(e) = 1.
5) e is used in calculus while pi is used in baby geometry.
4) 'e' is the most commonly picked vowel in Wheel of Fortune.
3) e stands for Euler's Number, pi doesn't stand for squat.
2) You don't need to know Greek to be able to use e.
1) You can't confuse e with a food product.
Math Grape Jokes
Jul 28, 2009
Q: What's purple and commutes?
An Abelian grape.
Q: What is purple and all of its offspring have been committed to institutions?
A simple grape, it has no normal subgrapes.
Q: What is lavender and commutes?
An Abelian semigrape.
Click to read the rest of this entry...An Abelian grape.
Q: What is purple and all of its offspring have been committed to institutions?
A simple grape, it has no normal subgrapes.
Q: What is lavender and commutes?
An Abelian semigrape.
Funny Math Jokes
Jul 27, 2009
Q: What is green and homeomorphic to the open unit interval?
The real lime.
Q: What is yellow, linear, normed and complete?
A Bananach space.
Q: What do you call a young eigensheep?
A lamb, duh!
Click to read the rest of this entry...The real lime.
Q: What is yellow, linear, normed and complete?
A Bananach space.
Q: What do you call a young eigensheep?
A lamb, duh!
Why hasn't there ever been a gay mathematician?
Jul 24, 2009
This question was asked on yahoo questions. Most of the answers were refuting the claim but one answer given was: They are discrete. (lol)
Click to read the rest of this entry...
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